You will always the strongest and most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. You’re stronger than anyone I know, physically and emotionally. You’re extremely brave, courageous and strong. I am so proud to call myself your great-granddaughter. You meant the world to us, you were a mother, aunt, grandma, and of course great-grandma. You were everything — and I’m so glad you were able to pass on peacefully. You’ve endured so much and fought for so long…It’s so selfish of me for wanting you to stay with us longer, but a part of me knows that you’re in a better place. No pain, no stress. You’re such an inspiration to all of us, and to those who have met you. Your smile will forever be the golden smile, your kind words will always stay in my heart, and your hugs will always be my favourite.
I know that you want us all to stay strong, but it’s hard. It’s hard to lose someone so important to you — it tears me apart that I took our time with you for granted. I was too naive and optimistic about everything that I turned ignorant.
I love you so much great-grandma, and I will definitely make you proud with everything I do and with whatever obstacle stands in my way. I won’t let you down.
This rant is gonna be SUPER hypocritical, but I need to get this out of my chest.
People need to be more appreciative towards others… Especially towards those who are “close” or “important” to them. If they are so “close” or “important” to you shouldn’t it be common sense to show appreciation towards them? You don’t need a Mother’s Day or a Father’s Day to show it — just do it. Appreciation goes both ways, when someone is trying to show their appreciation for you — you should at least show some back so that they know you APPRECIATE their efforts. If their little actions DON’T satisfy your expectations… that doesn’t matter because they tried. If you’re going to be an asshole about the situation just because you disliked what they had to offer does not give you the right to be rude towards them. Frankly, you should be god damn THANKFUL that they even did anything for you.
Telling me that the ONLY REASON WHY I applied for sociology and natural sciences for university is because I’m lazy and I don’t want to work hard? Putting me down every god damn time about these choices, and telling me that I will regret it?
Do you know how many times I’ve cried because I felt so useless and unworthy, because you always condemn me with my applications? I even made the brash decision to apply into a faculty I didn’t even want to be in and wasted $100 JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
For fuck sakes, you’re my mother. You’re suppose to support me in whatever I pick or do. Not bring me down. Basically telling me that I picked natural sciences and sociology as an easy way out, no. That’s NOT why I picked them. I picked them because both require a lot of communication between people, and I like talking to people. To be more specific… I like talking in general. You know NOTHING about me, you DON’T UNDERSTAND ME. Sure, maybe these choices won’t give me the best life, or the best pay, etc. But I’m not in it for the money, I’m in it for doing something I love. Like… I’m sorry I can’t become something that YOU LIKE.
Cause in the end, it’s NOT YOU that’s living my life and surviving it, I am.
I feel like I always try to please everyone around me, but I never try to please myself - or make myself happy. Maybe that’s why I’ve become a little unbalanced with my life.
Nonononononono it SHOULDN’T bother me, so why DOES it bother me? It’s like I’ve become paranoid with every minute of my waking life… and when I think about it — the more enraged I get. This is so stupid. What the fuck is happening to me?
I know its not your guys fault (you know who I’m talking about), but honestly fuck off. I told you I was pissed and you had the audacity to say you guys were laughing? I’m sick and tired of everyone’s bull shit. I’m at a breaking point right now and I can’t do shit about it. I know that PMSing isn’t a good excuse for it - but honestly I’m done.
My family scapegoats me - when they never consult anything with me. And you, you don’t even take into account what I tell you, or cry to you about situations. I know that I’m being hypocritical for saying this, but it’s true. Your attitude towards me changes - maybe you don’t see it, but I do. You may or may not admit to it, but I see you act differently.
I’m just so fed up with everything this past week - this past month. I just want to be alone.
It was just so sudden and shocking to hear the news of your sudden departure. I haven’t seen you in the longest time, and here we are now, without you. All of your friends will miss you dearly, and I sincerely hope you are now in a better place; looking down upon us. I know I never really tolerated you because of some things you did, but you took care of my cousin very well during the times you both dated, and I thank you for leaving her with truly wonderful memories. Regardless of both us always picking on each other whenever we chill, I just wish that we all could of hung out for one last time… looks like we were a little late. But what’s done is done, and there’s nothing we can ever do to change the past.
Overall I just wanted to say, rest in paradise and you will always be forever missed and loved.
She needs you to tell her, prove to her, reassure her that she’s exactly the right one for you. Maybe not all the time, but how hard is it to do it once in awhile? Don’t make her doubt you. Who doesn’t like consistency? She just wants to know that you won’t wake up one morning and feel any differently.
It means I trust you enough to hope that you won’t judge me or use it against me one day. Please don’t make me regret breaking down my walls for you. Please don’t be another reason for me to continue to believe that every single person that walks into my life will eventually let me down. I trust you, you have no idea how hard that is for me to do nowadays.
Once you’re in a relationship, the same amount of effort should be given as before. Just because you have them now, doesn’t mean they’re going to stay with you forever. There really is no point in staying in a relationship if one person is constantly giving way more effort than the other person. You might as well be with someone who is actually willing to give their all in order to be with you..
I’m the kind of person who’s willing to stay up late and help you with your problems. I won’t leave you facing your problems alone, I’ll face them with you. There’s nothing I can do to help other than to comfort you and give you advice.
